my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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