My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
