Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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