I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
