It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
