i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
