it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
