i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
