Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
