He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
