Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
