dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
