I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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