stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
