What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
