i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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