I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
