In the future we'll all be gay
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
