Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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