i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
