remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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