3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
