Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
