there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
