Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
