i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
