im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
