I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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