I wish I could teleport
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
