thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
