is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
