can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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