i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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