dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
