there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
