I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
