I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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