How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
