areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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