I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
