I accidentally had phone sex last night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
