yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
