Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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