I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
