i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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