Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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