she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
