That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
