I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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