let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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