Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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