I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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