how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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