i barfeds in our rink
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
